i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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