The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
