Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
