For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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