Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
