I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
