I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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