Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
