Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
tell me about the eggs
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize