It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
