my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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