last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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