i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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