i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
