just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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