So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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