I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
