your parents love me but you hate me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
