I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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