Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
