That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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