Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
