He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
