I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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