why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize