If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
