Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
