Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
