16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
