If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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