I think I am morally bankrupt
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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