i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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