carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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