finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
