I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
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