what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
