you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
