I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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