If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i was born a porn star she said
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
