ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
