my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
