Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
