remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
