How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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