sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
