Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
