I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's blow job season.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
