i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
