need another drink. this is the easiest way
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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