Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
