I bet he comes in French.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
