Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
