I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize