Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
