So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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