You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
