so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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