is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize