One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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