You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
