yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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