Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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