haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
