me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
did i walk over a car last night?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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