how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
