Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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