I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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