She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
