listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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