apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Less talking, more tequila
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
