her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I AM VODKA MAN
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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