the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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